Ever since becoming this delighted souls mama, I am rawly aware of my way of being in exchange with this world, my people and most importantly her. It’s like having a constant mirror up to my face and recording box to my voice.
She is, a walking representation of our very exchanges, our way of being in relation with one another, our people and community. At times, it’s the most beautiful reflection and sound I’ve ever seen and heard.
Those times, when she smiles, grabs my face and says I love you or a sincere thank you, when she walks with immense confidence, introduces herself with pride, explores at a new fearless pace, commands the attention she deserves.
Then, there are those times where it’s the most horrific, angry, reflection and exhausted sound, that all I can do is sigh.
The moments where I have no patience with her and she responds with throwing a massive tantrum, I assume because she doesn't feel supported or heard. Or when she yells back at me because I’m yelling at her. Or the times where she pulling at my legs and shirt, for hours because I am apparently too busy to be present with her.
Those are the moments, that stop me in my breath.
Is this the way I want to look and sound and most importantly feel in relation to her?
Is this the way I want her to process this world?
No, it’s not.
I’ve always been connected to and understood you cannot have the light without the dark, the joyous without the defeat, the moon without the sun. Just like all these elements around us, we need both.
It’s in those hardest moments, where the biggest growths come to life.
Where my reaction to the present has me in utter shock, embarrassment, confusion in the way in which I am parenting and being in exchange with the very soul who made me a mother and has been my greatest teacher.
My greatest hope is that in those moments, is when, growth is experienced and change occurs.
As our anniversary just passed, so very connected to that day, all I could think and feel and want is to see the reflection on my very own daughter, in my very dress. The emotions, the rawness, the truth uncovered itself so quickly.
I am her mirror.
She is mine.
I am her biggest communicator, my words and actions, being the reflection in which she is learning.
She is my teacher.
I am truly so grateful for learning in the moment, for second chances, for forgiveness and for having the most beautiful, sincere, loving, courageous mirror.
To all the mamas out there, I see you.
Your babies see you.
Take the experiences and growth of today to create a brighter, more supportive tomorrow.